Today I did something I’ve been wanting to do for years: use my day off to go to a cinema. I went to see Er ist wieder da in the arthouse cinema next to my building. Why did it take me forever to undertake this?

I’ve been realizing all the neurotic, social anxieties that I’ve dealt with during my life recently. From the weird fear of bringing books back too late to the library van to simply not talking to people at the bar or worrying about what others may think of your shoes. Seriously, the depths to which these insecurities run are astounding even to me.

The same was with going to concerts. I’m usually alone at those and I’m worried people may think I’m some sort of sad person without friends or whatever else they may think. I think I might actually behave that way. The cinema seemed like an even sadder place to go visit all by yourself. Guys going to the cinema alone, that’s only in crusty sex cinema’s right? Apparently not.

Today I decided to do it. Not only because I really wanted to see the film, but also because my girlfriend would not get much of this film. I felt like I was taking myself on a date and first went to get some snacks and put on my nice, but comfy clothes and walked to the cinema. The womand did not ask, what I expected her to do, if someone else was coming, but just sold me the ticket. I was not the only solo visitor. Apparently it’s not that odd to go alone on a thursday afternoon.

It’s a strange pleasure, to treat yourself and not feel conscious of anything else in the dark. It’s a good thing to finally do this. Another threshold crossed. Nothing good ever comes from the comfort zone.