“Got up on the wrong side of life this morning.
Nothin’ today is gonna go my way.
Horoscope told me lies this morning.
I don’t think anything’s gonna be okay.

Today!
Everything sucks today!”

– Descendents ‘Everything Sucks’

It’s always good to realise that days will always suck now and then. Stuff will suc, people will suck and coffee won’t taste as brilliant as it is supposed to taste. At my work we have not got the right coffee, its either too bitter or too watery. It always comes from a machine as well and that is in general no good start for your days. A good cup of coffee is vital, specially when you can get a good breakfast with it like pancakes, eggs and bacon. After that you can take on the whole world.

There’s one coffee machine with filters and grinded coffee in the office of the manager, there’s only a limited amount of users for that. Oh, the sheer glory of being one of the inner circle and getting a cup of actual coffee from there… The joy is so enormous. That can really make my day. I used to have one of those machines that grind the beans themselves, but for some reason it never tasted as good. It had some issues as well , that’s true, but it mainly didn’t feel like coffee as I know it.

This inevitably is going to lead to the best cup of coffee story. That’s pretty hard, the best ones are on the day after a long night, with the great breakfast and preferably with the sun in your face. I am fairly sure that some of those great cups were had in hostels around Europe. On Sardinia I got to taste the coffee culture of the Italians, that was an eye opener for sure. The best though is coffee made Lithuanian style, with dark bread, butter and sausage. Guaranteed to feel stuffed and ready to fight a fucking mammoth with a chainsaw wielding orc on it’s back.

One day I was derived of coffee on the location I was working. A colleague kindly posted various pictures of coffee on my facebook page. That was rather frustrating and hilarious at the same time. All in all, there is nothing that says sobering comfort like a cup o’ Joe. Nothing better to have a chat over than the black stuff and nothing that allows you more to just play that internal black coffee blues , while staring out of a window. All you need is a cup and some time…

Not once has anyone ever seen
Such a rise of pure hypocrisy
I’ll instigate I’ll free your mind
I’ll show you what I’ve known all this time

God Hates Us All, God Hates Us All
You know it’s true God hates this place
You know it’s true he hates this race

– Slayer ‘Disciple’

Yes, I think that this is, without a doubt, the case; God hates us all. But the funny thing is ofcourse, that when you state something like this it requires God to be a real or perceived to be real entity. Oh dear, what have I gotten myself into this time… Yes, I am writing something about religion now. And I think that whatever God you believe in, he hates us all.

I’m not an atheist. Once upon a time, I did think I should strive to be one though. It’s about as easy to believe in a Godhead, God or Goat, as it is to say it doesn’t exist. Both are equally as dogmatic and stubborn. This leaves no way for any sort of consensus. I believe it’s more valid to teach evolution in schools, but that doesn’t make evolution wrong. Most of what we’ve figured out about the first turns out to be wrong and the second is impossible to disprove this far (though this museum doesn’t make creationists more likable). I can’t help but disliking dogmatism either way, it’s like a brick wall in your mind. It started when a friend kept coming up with the Flying Spaghetti Monster religion as a way of mocking Christianity. It is quite hilarious though. But think about it, humor is a great way of opening up the conversation between believers and non-believers.

The most important thing for human beings is to keep their minds open. If they close up, they do so for good and I think that at the core of most wars and conflicts, there’s something like that involved. I don’t consider myself either, I think I’m an agnost with a drop of Buddhism where it suits me (the Buddha never was a God, mind). Mix that up with a keen interest in philosophy and something of a life philosophy that leaves the option of a deity filled in with a question mark. I’m not saying I’m right here and that I’ve found the golden road to enlightenment. It just seems the most sensible to me. I think believers have always got valid points and things to draw from their faith. Just like rationality of non-believers can really get us to go places. Still, Kierkegaard never stated that his ‘leap of faith’ was exclusively for Christians… Plenty of great scientists did just that: taking a leap. It’s also the only way to get out of that eternal circle… Yes, dogmatic atheists have one too.

I believe we all have some form of faith to us, something we cling on to when we have no other refuge. No one will stare into the abyss, without feeling it stare back into ourselves. Lovecraft already wrote about incomprehensible fear that made people go insane, mad and lost. We all have our breaking point where something we perceive or are face with becomes the Kantian sublime, the unimaginable that rocks our foundations, we will always grasp at whatever we have to hold on to.

As soon as we start realizing the existential needs that make both sides equal as human beings, maybe we can find a dialogue that doesn’t involve insults, hatemongering and intolerance. If we don’t, then you might be next.

But on I stay on where do I get off?
On to greener pastures
The core is getting soft

Do you remember the time (I don’t know)
We’ll call these our salad days
– Minor Threat ‘Salad Days’

For Minor Threat the ‘Salad Days’ EP marked their departure from the old fashioned punk sound. There’s a certain remorse to it. ‘The core is getting soft’, it was also the end for one of the most ground breaking bands. Onward to something new, to something more mature to keep the wits as sharp and powerful as before. The song is about age, experience and insights that come with it. In this blogpost I want to write about things I chose to change.

I eat salad every lunch break, that’s my choice. I consider these my Salad days and I think they might stick around. There’s no political or environmental reason to my diet. I have a diet, indeed. In so far as diet means your conscious eating pattern, I do. I try to eat Paleo as much as possible. To really explain what that is, I will let you read this here.  Simply said: no sugars, no grains, no dairy, no legumes… I eat meat, veggies, eggs and nuts. I drink tea, coffee and water most of the time, sometimes a glass of wine.

Now, you might say: “This is not true, I’ve seen you eat chips!” You are probably right. Possibly you also saw me having a beer or eat some kind of bakery. Why? Firstly, because I’m not ‘holier than thou’. I’ve eaten potatoes and bread my whole life and it’s no easy transition to just stop eating that. Really, it was not an easy switch and the first weeks I had a lot of headaches from the whole detox proces. I still love chips now and then, but more and more their after effect on my constitution makes me pass on them.

Secondly, I’m not eating this way to prove a point to anyone else. Ofcourse, I feel a certain appreciation towards the general concept behind this diet, but I have the same to most of those. I loved the Krishna thing and the straight edge movement, but I just couldn’t work with that. Neither was it really good for me. So since I’m doing this for myself, I don’t have to ‘Keep The Edge’ or so for anyone else. When I fail myself by eating a pack of cookies, the only one who has a right to be upset with myself is me. Simple as that, there’s no political side to my lifechoice. Ofcourse I totally feel sympathetic to movements that support cleaner food, but it really had no influence on my choice, it’s a thing outside of it.

Thirdly, I firmly believe that the body needs a kick against its proverbial backside now and then. If you have  a fever, a shower with real hot and then real cold water really shakes it off a bit. It can really help to get in the cold with a cold. I can continue with the value of shocking your body now and then. The same goes with a lot of detox programs or even when you go drinking for the night. You test your body, you shock it and it reacts. I notice that the shock of eating something like chips or pizza once a week, not only satisfies the craving you will inevitably face, it also kicks my body into the next week in a way. I’m not an expert, but it’s either something physical, or the mental inspiration and motivation to start your next week good. For me this really works well.

Fourth, I’m not a wealthy man. I can not buy myself all the insane products that American supermarkets have in stock. I have to deal with a budget form of eating paleo and you can easily see how meat, fruit and vegetables are comparitively the most exensive products on the shelves. Also, go ahead and try to eat paleo in a restaurant; it’s not possible. In the USA they probably have those, but not here. There’s literally nothing to eat for the diet exept a salad. You wouldn’t want to hamper your social contacts in that way, so it’s up to me, as a follower of the diet, to make up my own choices on the topic.

Now, I have to be honest. I feel a bit prinicpal about it, which might come from listening to those hardcore bands all my life. I feel like I’ve created with my gym and food regimen a pretty strict lifestyle that really works for me. The big advantage of not eating so many sugars is mainly that you start feeling much more energetic. I was struggling with energy peaks and lows a lot before. I feel sharper, more awake, more aware and more on top of things. That might have to do with a general switch, but I think I’ve been building towards it for a long time by working out and now living healthy by eating healthy. The downside is that you really can’t handle alcohol anymore. That in turn is a good reason to enjoy your one special beer a lot more than having 15 lagers without any joy to them.

Now, I’ve not been great at holding my ground on that ever, so it was a good reason to really change my mentality towards alcohol in general. Did I mention that this diet really supports a schedule where you visit the gym a couple of times a week? By visiting I don’t mean guzzling sports drinks and watching the telly. I talk about working out on just water for 2 hours. Because you eat a lot of eggs in the diet, you basically already got your whey in your belly.

The bottom line is that it makes me feel good. I try my best to grow in it and develop my range of recipes so I can stop eating all those addictive other foods. If you feel you couldn’t do that, then you should probably not even start this. If you feel you could, but it would take time, I encourage you to try this for a while. Go for a month of rather strict following and you’ll feel if it does for you what you hoped. The only reason I do this, I can’t stress enough, is for myself. That’s the best motivation you can have I think.

I don’t see my choice as the best there is, I see it as what works best for me now and what I hope to grow in. If you have a similar path or are you interested in this one, let me know, get in touch.

Keep your own edge! It’s what Minor Threat did.

Guido

It doesn’t matter where you come from
It matters where you go
No one gets remembered
For the things they didn’t do

– Frank Turner ‘Peggy Sang The Blues’

It’s definitely not easy to stay optimistic about the way my life is going. I’m 29 now and for some reason I finally got around to writing down what is happening to me. I’ve always been a pessimist, coming from a long line of pessimists (I guess, to be honest I don’t know). I’ve always thought little of myself and my capabilities. That’s part nurture, part nature I think. Hard to say how that happens. I think it’s a quality to not have a high opinion of yourself. It enables you to stay humble and sincere, but it also keeps you small and cripples you once you start getting ahead of your peers.

Where is the balance? It’s hard to say really, a reputation is something you need to build up, but tearing it down only takes seconds. If you focus on just that it is as much a limitation for you as focussing on your bad qualities.

I don’t have the answer, I can relate however what I think are some points on how to make your own life more positive and pleasant.

1. Fill your tank with the positive and dissect the negative.

We run on what we feed ourselves with. If you only have negative experiences or you only recognize those, you will start filling your tank wit those. It means you’re running on angst, fear and insecurity. You are what you eat, that’s as true for this as anything. I really believe that we should take that which inspires, feeds and lifts us up as fuel to go ahead. The opposite goes for negative experiences. Don’t dwell on it too long, dissect it, discard what hurts you on an emotional level and deduce the actual lesson from it. A lesson should always be taken as a positive thing. We are fallible and we’ll always make mistakes. That also means we can always grow, and growth is good.

2. Focus on where you are going, not where you are or where you come from.

Decisions are the one true freedom we have. When we set goals or targets for ourselves, when we start some development, choose what you want to get from it. Focus on where you want to be. That doesn’t have to be a high goal necessarily, for example when you start an excersise, your goal can be to just have fun doing it instead of getting good at whatever the excersise is. Sometimes a goal is given to you, for example in a work related situation. When you have a goal, focus on that, not on the starting point. Where there’s a wish, there’s a way.

3. Take time for all elements of your life.

It’s very easy to just focus on your work and then in your spare time on whatever you feel most like doing. Using your spare time for social connections can be really exhausting. Yet, planning time for that will reward you much more at times. Take half an hour to make a call to a relative, go have a beer with a friend or just hang out with your partner. It seems like such a small thing, but it means so much for your relationships. Life is to short to waste on things that don’t really matter to you.

4. Do things that scare you.

Growth and development is only easy when there is no actual growth happening. We learn from stumbling, falling, trying again and trying harder. Find challenges in your daily routine and go at them. That moment of self-doubt and fear is usually the sign that you’ve found it. Step out of your comfort bubble and talk to the people that make you nervous or are hard to talk to. You’ll probably find appreciation and gratitude for trying, either from the other person or from within yourself. Nothing good ever came from the comfor zone.

5. Hold on to your own values, but respect and accept those of others by standing in their shoes.

It’s very easy to judge others by your own views, probably everyone is guilty of failing those. The other problem is that it’s usually hard enough to live up to our own values. Values are always idealistic and bound to social norms, age, ideas and ideals. That means they’re fleeting and hard to live up to. Judging others is easy by them, but judging yourself by them is even more depressing. It’s better to focus on your qualities and express those. Qualities last and also stay closer to you. Be recognized by those that come from within, not a rigorous code that only shoes on the outside. Also try to step in another persons shoes, try to see that their qualities and values are differen than yours. Once you accept that, life will really become a lot easier and tolerance will grow into an external warmth towards others and new found respect.

6. Do what you think is right and accept that succes or failure came from your own decision.

I’m just speaking my mind here, which doesn’t mean I know anything really. As I wrote earlier, I think it already helps a lot if you try not to be a dick towards others.  These things I share in the hope they are of some use to you. If they are, let me know. If they aren’t, let me know as well. I hope to learn from that.
Whatever you choose to do, that is your decision and you should stick by it. If you ignore your own instinct and do what someone else tells you, it’s still your decision. Stumbling and falling will happen now and then, either way. Realise it’s all on your terms and admit that to yourself. Forgiving yourself is way easier than others, blaming yourself is much harder.

Whatever you do, don’t dwell on what you did, but on what you wan’t to be doing and how. Be critical and sceptical of yourself and never be afraid to ask for help. Good luck and thanks for reading.

It really doesn’t matter where you come from, it matters where you go.

I’ve been thinking about writing on this topic for a while. I probably will get into it more at a later point in time,  since it matters to me. It motivates me in many ways and I think it’s something people don’t know. I hang out in the gym.

Normally, I go to the gym 3 times a week. People might think that’s weird, since many of the people around me can’t even drag themselves there once a week… or ever. I respect that, some people feel good the way they feel normally and don’t need the accomplishment/rush I get from it. It’s not that I want to look like a pumped up Hulk or something, nor am I swallowing all sorts of supplements. It just makes me feel good to go there.

It’s a fairly easy way of challenging yourself both physically and mentally. Your mind often tells you to slow down, take it easy and get things over with quickly. I, for example, hate lunges. My knees hurt often and they don’t like lunges and squats. Making myself do them anyways gives me exactly that feeling of accomplishment I’m talking about, it gives you an oppertunity to turn your mental no in a yes. In fact at some point your body starts craving for the burning feeling of the iron. For the exhaustion following it, in which muscles feel relaxed and your frustrations have been worked through. I need to share that Henry Rollins bit here. I’ve talked about how I found Wil Wheaton inspiring. Henry Rollins has been that for me as well, an inspiration on many fronts. I may not always agree with him, but having your own vision is always a value and a lesson to learn, going against the grain is what I’ve learned from punk rock. This is similar in a way.

Please, read this when you need some motivation to go yourself.

You may find something there, maybe not. We’re all different in that respect. For me, the Iron became a place, my silent garden where I listen to books and lift weights. I have enough parts of my body that can’t do things like running anymore, jiu jitsu was also no longer an option, but this gives me piece and relaxation. Pain and gain don’t have to be a combination coming from unnatural muscle building. Protein shakes are not steroids, that’s a whole different ball game.

I haven’t been there since a week ago though, I had so many painful parts that I decided on a rest week, first time since I was on holiday. I let myself deserve this one, and after that we step it up again.

Another great site to get motivated is Nerd Fitness. I really want to share this with anyone who’s interested. I’ve not used their workouts much, but their information is very broad and intriguing. Also about food, it’s why I started eating paleo. So check them out.

I’m not a jock, I’m just a guy who found balance between the physical and the mental surrounded by iron. I recommend people to try it. I don’t go there to socialise, I go there for me. It makes me feel good and in control, it heps me train my body, demonstrate discipline and persistance and in the end relax. This is my meditation.

Oh, and squats don’t give you a big ass…. stop saying that you morons.